Long overdue...

19 MAY 2010

I have a new interesting pastime. Bug watching. Why? No particular reason other than perhaps an overabundance of time at inconvenient hours. That, compounded with pure and simple dedication and hard work, makes them currently interesting to me. As I type, there's an ant carrying a dead bug about one and a half times bigger than it. He has constantly met with struggles, yet her perseveres. Can't make it up over that stone? Go ahead a little further. Can't climb that rock? Try a different route. Weeds in the way? Though it may be farther, up and over.

And now a bird has stolen one of my hard working bug friends and eaten him. Ah, the circle of life.

29 MAY 2010

I have reached that comfortable point on deployment. I'm about halfway through, I've got a routine, I'm present in the moment. This is fantastic for being deployed (and those people here) and less fantastic for those who aren't with me. Once you're here and settled, it's just easier to lessen communication with those not present. I think this is true of many places, but maybe especially here. There are certain things I can't talk about, there are certain things I don't want to talk about, and there are certain things that people don't want to hear about.

And here's the even more dangerous part. I fit here. I want to come back. I'm just over halfway through, and already thinking about and wanting to come back. I know what I'm doing and I think I do it pretty effectively. This is different than so many opportunities I've had in my life or will have in my life. I don't know what all this means yet, but I do know that when I wasn't here I missed it, and I didn't really remember or realize how much until I came back. Anyone of you who has heard me talk about my previous deployments can probably attest to the frustrations and joys but ultimate love that comes with deployment for me. I often wish I was a better storyteller so as to truly paint a picture of what this experience can do for a person, but alas, I am not and cannot. I try, however, to use what I've been given to portray as much as possible.

So where does that leave me? My family? Friends? Life? I haven't figured that out yet; I'm just writing from the heart. I need to do (or feel like I'm doing) good in the world in order to be fulfilled. There is no room for complacency in my life.

1 JULY 2010

I am SO done with water. Water bottles, hydration, bleck.

2 JULY 2010 Frustrations and good feelings

I have been inundated with some awful messages the past couple of nights. Not awful in content, just awful in the stretching of our limits of emergencies. Frustrations galore. Non-emergencies in abundance. It's obvious that there's a drawdown happening in Iraq and an attempt at the abuse of our system by families who want their service members home as quickly as possible.

I've also been thanked three times over the phone tonight for what I do (atypical)--and offered dinner if ever the service member that I assisted is in Balad. There's such a strange balance to life here.